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Just Jokin'

Jokes & Snark

Dogloose recommends DJokeOfTheDay.com and IntoRehab.com

Bitcoin For Beans

Written by: dogloose
Category: Just Jokin'
Hits: 8302

With all the turmoil in financial markets these days, from the the banking crisis in Cyprus to the collapse of gold prices, I began to get a little nervous thinking about what could happen here in the U.S. That's when I decided to take some action.

Read more: Bitcoin For Beans

Sam Houston Statue From A Car

Written by: dogloose
Category: Just Jokin'
Hits: 6245

Pictures shot from a moving car of the famous Sam Houston Statue on I-45 in Huntsville, Texas. If you would like to contribute a picture please contact the dog!

Read more: Sam Houston Statue From A Car

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Dick's Jokes

  • Sex Explained

    Basically there are 5 kinds of sex:

    Smurf Sex - On your honeymoon you keep doing it until you're both blue in the face.

    Kitchen Sex - At the beginning of your marriage you'll have sex anytime, anywhere - even in the kitchen.

    Bedroom Sex - When you've settled down a bit, maybe have some kids, so you gotta restrict it to the bedroom.

    Hallway Sex - You reach the point where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck you!"

    Courtroom Sex - Finally, you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of the whole courtroom.

  • We're On The Air

    A cute young blonde goes to a radio station late one night and kocks on the door. The all-night D.J. lets her in and chats to her between songs. Pretty soon he starts getting really horny. Finally, he can't stand it any more. So he rolls his chair over in front of her, stands on it, takes out his dick and sticks it right in her face. He looks down at her and says, "You know what to do!"

    She looks up at him and says, "I-I think so." He says, "Then go ahead."

    She grabs it and screams into it, "I just want to say hello to Terry and Holly and the whole gang at Matt's Grill."

  • Put Your Foot On The Brake

    Did you hear about the junkie that was addicted to brake fluid?

    He said he could stop anytime.

  • And The Moral of the Story Is...

    One day the teacher asked the class to think of a story that has a moral that the class could learn something from. Little Suzy raised her hand to go first. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs in a basket, then put it in the back of the truck to drive to town and sell. One Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and landed on the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

    Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched." Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

    Next up was Little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, but he could only grab a case of beer, a machine gun and his survival knife. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. He end up landing right in the middle of 100 enemy soldiers. So he pulled out his machine gun and managed to shoot 60 of them until he ran out of ammo! Then he pulled out his survival knife and killed 30 more. But the blade snapped off, so he had to kill the last ten with his bare hands."

    The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Little Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."