Look... before you make waste.

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Doug Deitel's Laws

Written by: Doug Deitel
Category: Just Jokin'
Hits: 67

Observations on Human Nature

The Law of Trash
Trash expands or contracts to fit the space where it is permitted

I had no shoes and I was sad, till I met a man who had no feet.
I had no feet and I was sad, till I met a man who had no mind.
I had no mind and I was sad, till I met a man who had no shoes.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for life;
Beat a man to death with a fish and you never have to feed him again.

 

Dick's Jokes

  • Where To Get A Cheap Beer

    Guy walks in to a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says that'll be five bucks.

    The guy is outraged. "Five bucks?" he says, "Why down the street the bar only charges a buck. And with every drink you get a lottery ticket to win free sex in the back."

    The bartender looks at him and asks: "Did you ever win?" The guy says: "No... but my wife won three times."

  • The Doctor Will See You Now

    The receptionist calls the doctor into the waiting room in a panic: "Doctor, the patient you just treated died on his way out the door. What should I do?"

    The doctor says, "Turn him around so it looks like he died on the way in."

  • One Day in a Meadow

    One day a horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow when the horse falls into a mudhole and begins sinking. He calls to the chicken to go get the farmer to pull him out. The chicken runs back to the farm but the farmer is nowhere to be seen. So thinking fast the chicken jumps in the farmer's Porsche and drives back to the mudhole. He ties a rope around the bumper then throws the other end to his friend, the horse. Driving the car forward he saves his friend from sinking!

    A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again, only this time it's the chicken who falls into the mudhole. The chicken yells to the horse to go get the farmer for help. The horse says, "Wait a minute. I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretches himself over the width of the hole and says, "Grab my dick and hoist yourself up." And the chicken does excatly that and is able to pull himself to safety.

    The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks!

     

  • Now That's A Mess

    I once went on date with a girl who didn't swallow.

    There was soup everywhere!