With all the turmoil in financial markets these days, from the the banking crisis in Cyprus to the collapse of gold prices, I began to get a little nervous thinking about what could happen here in the U.S. That's when I decided to take some action.

First, I emptied all the gold out of my safe and cut a deal with a guy off of Craigslist to exchange all my gold for Bitcoin. You know what Bitcoin is... it's money. Ahhh... but not some form of fiat currency backed by some unstable country. No! It's money that is in fact backed by nothing at all. I don't know about you, but I'm just glad there are smart people in this world who have figured out how to make money out of thin air. And I am thankful every day that even smarter people and Craigslist have made it so simple to get your hands on. I mean it's not like I had to traipse half-way around the world to find a Bitcoin ATM or anything.

Anyway, after leaving the Denny's parking lot with my newly acquired stash of super-secret Bitcoin codes I happened to pass by a fellow who was selling magic beans. Now, thinking like one of those smart people myself (see above), I quickly recognized opportunity when it came knocking. Seriously... don't knock it. In the world of investing everyone knows compounding is king! What better way to compound my Bitcoin investment than by trading up for a handful of magic beans. So I swapped the Bitcoin for beans and off I went.

Now here the story gets a little fuzzy (for me at least... not for you. You're one of those smart people... you can see exactly where this is going.) Being so happy with my two brilliant financial moves I went home and did three things. First, I told my wife. Then, I planted the magic beans in the backyard. (Actually, my wife threw them out the window!) And finally, to celebrate I got drunk. (Actually, my wife threw me out the window and I ended up drunk, sleeping it off in the garden!)

The next morning I awoke all bleary-eyed, looked up and there it was... a stalk so tall it reached the sky. Remembering from somewhere that it was a good idea to climb this type of stalk (if it happened to appear some morning) up I went. And... well... to make a long story short I stole a goose... killed a giant... and ended up with a safe so full of gold that it looks like I'll have to buy another to hold it all.

I'm looking for one on Craigslist right now.